CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD - PART 1

Dear God,

First let me say thank You for Your mercy and grace.  Even when I was hatin’ on You God, You never stopped lovin’ me.  I remember being so tired of the pain and heartache.  I remember moms telling me to pray.  

The first time I heard Your voice.  It was like thunder…”Our middle schools have bars on the peak rooms.  They are preparing our children for prison.”  When I turned around there You were in the form of a middle aged brother who’s mild mannered demeanor was in total contradiction to the power of his voice.  This was the communities call to action.  Remember after the meeting I approached the man and asked for a job because he had his own construction business.  He wasn’t hiring and invited me to church with him and his family.  Food and fellowship.  You know a nigga ain’t gonna say no to soul food Sunday.  It still funny after all these years.  You don’t have to dress up, casual is how we get down; so I wore my Tupac shirt with a jeans and tennis shoes.  I sat in the back while the man and his family sat up front.  Then watched in amazement as the man walked up to the pulpit in his overalls and t-shirt and started the service.  Get the fuck outta here, dude is a preacher.  God, You got game.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  

I studied Revelations like You told me.  I wrote like you told me.  But then something happened.  The Tempter snuck up from behind and whooped on a bitch for what felt like eternity.  Flashbacks and memories, the devil still be gettin’ at me.  

I know You say You don’t give us more that we can bear.  But it did feel like a nigga’s back was broke.  Like 24; every hour it’s something new.  Just when I heal one scar, another appeared.  Slowly anger crept back into my spirit and I rebuked You.  Held the hate in my heart for You because losing the same love twice in a lifetime felt like an emotional hoax; a cruel joke I just couldn’t understand.  

But You never left a nigga alone.  Every time I ran away from You, I ran to You without even knowing.  And with each step I took, You healed me a lil’ more.  I know I still have some more work to do.  Sometimes I complain too much and I’m sometimes I forget to tell You thank you.  But I just wanted to say I love You God.  I don’t think that I tell you enough, that I love You.  

Oh and by the way, a nigga’s back is getting stronger every day.  It’s me and You, against the world…I’m ready.