My big bro’ used to tell me that when I point the finger at
someone else, there are three pointing back at me. I always loved that saying.
A few years ago, I bought a car from a co-worker. I let it sit for like a month because I knew
it needed some work, but I didn’t have the money in pocket and wasn’t sure what
all was wrong with it. A few people saw
it parked in front of the job and made some offers to buy it. I finally decided to go ahead and sell
it. Nothing in writing, just a verbal
agreement. We got the title signed over
before any money exchanged hands.
The guy that bought it felt like he was getting a good
deal. But the car did have some
issues. After coming from the Title
Agency, I went to work and he said he meet me with the money. I took him on his word. After about 30 minutes I started wondering
was that a smart move on my part. I should
have gotten the money upfront. The
voices in my head started shouting things like, “You are stupid, he ain’t coming
back. He just ran the flim flam on
you. If he don’t bring the money back,
look for the car and use the other pair of keys and wreck it.” Devil was working on me tough.
After about an hour or so later, I started talking back to
the devil. I told myself that if I have
to take an “L” I will. I don’t want
money to make me do dumb shit or think ill of people without giving them a
chance. So I decided to put my faith and
trust in God.
About two hours later, the brotha came by and told me the
car stopped on him and he thinks it might be the fuel filter. He said he was going to the parts store and
the bank and he’d be back. I thanked him
for coming to tell me and asked when. My
mind was still focused on getting my money and not letting anybody get over on
me.
He came back and brought the money just like he said. Later that night, I had some time to think to
myself. My conscious started eating at
me. I was so worried about me and what
someone was going to do to me that I never thought about what I was doing to
him. Even if it was accidental. I don’t know a lot about cars. What if I sold him a straight lemon? What if that car is beyond fixing? Did I tell him everything I knew about the
car?
Instead of praying for him to bring me the money, I should
have been praying that the car was working for him. He has a kid.
His child deserves to be in a car that’s safe and reliable. He has a mother that will probably need to be
out and about too.
That night, I had humble pie for dinner. I wanted to point the finger at someone else
instead of looking within. Even though I
kept telling him “Let’s be a blessing to each other”, I still let negativity,
selfishness and pride invade my thoughts.
As much as I be telling other folk to give people the benefit
of the doubt, I had my nerve to doubt this brotha who was just trying to take
care of his family. Yeah, I went back
for seconds because of my hypocrisy.
Humble pie two times.
I have to laugh because during my fisticuffs with the devil,
I was telling myself that this was going to be a lesson to learn. It’s funny cause at first glance I thought I
was learning not to trust people. But as
it turns out, I was learning not to trust myself. And by that I mean, those loud voices in our
heads that tell us not to be a victim but never tell us not to victimize. Whether on purpose or by accident, we must be
aware of how we treat others. Even if
we’ve been jaded from past experiences.
I pray the God teaches me how to focus on myself instead of other people.
Not that I mind a nice slice of humble
pie, but every now and then I wouldn’t mind eating a crab leg or two.
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